Let’s skip the part where I reassure you that I love dogs and just get right into it:
If you’re a runner, you’ve experienced this: dogs, leashed or unleashed, lunging, biting, and so on.
Proof?
Here are some runners in the same thread:
Yes, All Runners
You know that whole thing where we were debating, “Not all men assault people sexually,” and “Yes, all women” and so on? Which was a bit confusing because both things are true at the same time?
This is how dogs and runners work: Not all dogs attack runners, but ALL runners are attacked by dogs.
I’m sure I’ve turned off a good number of you by now, either by talking about dogs in a negative way or relating a slogan about sexual assault prevention to being bitten by a dog. But, hey, I’m nothing if not off-putting.
I’m So Sorry, He Never Does That!
This is what you’ll hear every single time a dog jumps all over you, and you could all save some time by just getting it printed on a lil’ dog sweater.
Some of you, I’m sure, are experiencing this behavior from your dog for the first time. But c’mon, all of you? For every one of you, this is the first and only time your dog has put his front paws up on a stranger?
What’s really important, though, is that it doesn’t matter. Because maybe YOUR dog hasn’t done this before, but MOST dogs do this at some point. And therefore, it’s not a wild idea that your dog will do it to someone at some point?
Keep your dog handled. Don’t fuck around, don’t find out.
Tripwires
Someone somewhere found a wonderful loophole in leashing: just have retractable, 25-foot leashes. It’s totally asinine, it’s not like a dog that’s 20 feet away from you is even kind of in your control.
But I did some sleuthing, and I found out that most sidewalks are about 5 feet wide, and most leashes are about 6 feet long.
If you can’t get control of your dog quickly, you’re not in control of your dog.
When you walk your dog on a path, you and your dog should be on the same side of the trail. You shouldn’t take up the whole path by being on one side, your dog on the other. Besides, isn’t this your lil’ buddy? Don’t you want to stay close?
Let’s Blame the Runner
Ah, these dipshits enter the fray.
The first guy, I don’t know who’s jogging in his neighborhood, flailing and screaming, but whatever, fuck that guy,
The second guy is closer to something true, less “if you didn’t dress that way” energy, but still pretty far off.
No runner is blowing by dogs at full speed, as close as possible, if it can be helped.
But what is the responsibility of the runner?
Well, you could say none. Because a dog is the owner’s responsibility, no one else’s.
You could also say none because if a dog bites a person in a park, that person is not going to face consequences.
You might be thinking none, and you might be right, because while it’s reasonable to treat dogs with caution, it’s also reasonable to assume that someone who brings a dog to an area commonly used by runners and such would only bring that dog if the dog is well-behaved.
I’m not advocating for runners to harass dogs and so on because I don’t have to. That’s not happening anywhere.
Your dog might be startled by someone coming up fast from behind, and that’s okay, dogs can be startled by things, they are dogs.
It’s your responsibility to try and prevent this from happening. To pay attention to the trail, behind you and in front of you. If “startled” means the dog will hide between your legs, that’s not a problem. If “startled” means the dog will lunge at someone, that’s a problem.
Your Dog Off Leash
There’s no reason for your dog to be off-leash on a trail, in a park, wherever, really, unless you’re throwing a ball or a frisbee or whatever for him and the dog is shuttling back and forth between you and the ball with no detours to sniff people walking by. Which some dogs can handle, some can’t (we’ll get there shortly).
“My dog is well-behaved, it’s not a problem.”
If your dog is well-behaved, it’s also not a problem for them to be on a leash. If your dog is well-behaved, you should hardly notice your dog on the leash.
“But he likes it!”
Your dog also likes eating garbage. Your dog would happily roll around in a moose carcass.
Dogs like doing things. That doesn’t mean they must be allowed to do them.
You and Me
The way your dog treats you and the way your dog treats me are different.
What that means is, I should never encounter your dog without you being between me and your dog.
Your Dog’s Safety
Keeping your dog close keeps your dog safe on two levels: natural and human.
If you’re in a natural area, you don’t want your dog getting into it with another animal. You also don’t want your dog nosing around a dead animal, like a bat or a raccoon. They need to be on a leash.
On the human side, your dog might get kicked.
I’m going to be harsh for a moment: if a tiny lil’ dog is biting me, I’ll kick that bastard to get him to stop. Kicking, pepper spraying, and whatever you have to do to get that dog to stop is on the table as an option.
And fuck it, let’s just go to the dark place: most places have laws where, if a dog is reported for biting, putting the dog down is a possibility. I will be reporting your dog, I have to, because if I need any medical care, it needs to be covered by health insurance. I won’t know if your dog’s been reported before, I won’t know if this is your dog’s last chance, I won’t know any of that, and even if I did, it’d be my decision. I don’t want to have anyone’s dog get killed, but I would also have to balance that with how I’d feel if I found out your dog hurt someone else.
You can prevent your dog from being in this situation. So, yes, I’m going to say it: This is your fault. It’s not the runner’s fault for deciding to report your dog. It’s your fault for putting your dog in a situation where they are not going to have a good outcome.
There Are No Bad Dogs, Just Bad Dog Owners
I signed up for MasterClass, and the first class I took was about dog training. Because, I don’t know, it was there?
The trainer talked about one of his dogs who has a very high prey drive. No amount of training makes it possible to handle this dog in a nearby park that is packed with squirrels. Instead of trying to train the dog to not chase squirrels, which might be impossible, the trainer makes good decisions and takes this dog somewhere he won’t be tempted.
We think of bad dog owners as being abusive, chaining a dog up in the yard all the time. But a bad dog owner is also someone who puts the dog in situations where that dog is not going to be okay. Some dogs can come sit on a brewery patio and be totally fine. Some cannot. Some dogs can enter a 5K with their owner and be just fine with all the people and noise. Some cannot.
Your dog can’t make the decision to walk earlier in the day, before there are many other people around. Your dog can’t decide that while a nearby trail is nice, there are often cyclists on the trail, and that doesn’t work for your dog.
Being a good dog owner is about making good decisions for your dog.
So You Want Your Dog to Be Treated Like a Person
Okay.
So when your dog puts its nose in my crotch, we’re going to treat that as a person putting their nose in my crotch?
When your dog humps another dog at the dog park, we’re going to treat that as a person humping a stranger in the park?
When your dog bites someone in the park, we are going to treat that dog as though they’re a person biting another person?
Let’s be real, you don’t want your dog to be treated like a person, you want your dog to be treated like a person sometimes, like a dog other times.
That’s the thing about being a person: you can’t ever NOT be a person. Your behavior can’t be excused with a, “Well, he’s sometimes a thing other than a person.”
It wouldn’t be fair or right to treat your dog like a person because being treated like a person means being treated like a person ALL the time.