Shark Tank: Nitroforce Home Gym
I’ve been watching a little Shark Tank this week (BUY! SELL! FINANCE WORDS!), and I’ve been having a blast with the fitness equipment, fitness systems, and diet products.
The best was a bluetooth that got installed INSIDE YOUR BODY. Not really a fitness product, but a body mod that was legitimately crazy, and the guy proposing it did not seem to think it was weird at all, which is always a good recipe for a great weirdo on Shark Tank:
Ingredient One: Bad Idea
Ingredient Two: Weirdo Who Doesn’t Understand The Bad Idea is Bad.
So let’s take a look at a Shark Tank product: Nitroforce Home Gym.
What Is It?
Basically it’s a Bowflex, Soloflex, pick your all-in-one home gym thingie.
I’m sure the manufacturers of NHG would probably disagree with that, they’d be very adamant that their product is different, and that’s cool. Whoever worked at Image Comics had to insist Ripclaw wasn’t a Wolverine ripoff, even though he was Wolverine with a ponytail.
Why Are We Talking About It?
During their Shark Tank presentation, the two very fit-looking inventors talked about how it’s great to have all these lifts in one machine because machines are safer than free weights.
Let’s talk about that, and then let’s talk about why you shouldn’t buy an expensive all-in-one gym.
Are More People Injured With Free Weights?
I mean, probably, but it’s because we’re dumb. In three specific ways.
One issue is that meathead idiots are going to use free weights more often than they’re going to do the abduction machine. They want to do a bench press with chains on the bar! They’re also going to lift things that’re too heavy because lifting is a sport that’s you against the mirror, baby! Or maybe I load on an extra plate because there’s a cute girl in the gym and she’ll be impressed (she won’t. I’ve broken all my personal weightlifting records this year, and I’ve TIED my record for number of times being solicited for sex at zero). Free weights are probably more appealing to morons who are likely to do stupid things, so I’m inclined to believe that bumps up the numbers.
Issue Number Two is that competitive athletes are definitely going to be using free weights as that’s what they’ll use in competition, and a competitive athlete is going to get injured sometimes. It’s part of the deal with competitive sports.
Issue Number Three hits close to home, specifically the toe part of home: I dropped a barbell plate on my toe. Which sucked hard. BUT, while it’s technically a weightlifting injury, it’s a little like saying smashing my head on the doorframe while I’m getting out of the car is “an automobile accident.”
So I think this statistic is one that I would call “true, but not expressing truth.”
While free weights may be more dangerous, statistically, a relatively sane, remotely competent individual who isn’t horsing around will probably be just fine either way.
“Horsing around.” I’ve officially become a high school gym teacher.
Machines Bad?
Machines aren’t bad. And especially if you’re a beginner, it’d seem machines and free weights are pretty equally effective.
I’m of the opinion that when you’re debating between machines and free weights, the correct answer is: whichever one you’ll do.
Why I Would Tell You Not to Buy The Nitroglycerin Total Workout Gizmo
I started playing piano. I suck, I can’t play anything for shit, but it’s something that I decided to try in my never-ending quest to fill the void that is my life.
So alone. So, so alone.
Ahem.
When I decided to give the old pianer a whirl, I looked online for recommendations for starter keyboards.
Apparently, people DO NOT understand that the definition of a “starter” keyboard does not accommodate something that costs over $500.
To some extent, I got it. Some folks made a good point that a super cheap keyboard might be more frustrating to use, and might cause me to quit playing.
But if I’m honest with myself, if I quit playing attempting to play, it’ll be because I wasn’t good right away and got bored. That’s my problem, that’s the demon I face with this godforsaken piano.
And that’s the question for you and this all-in-one gym, which costs like $1000 bucks: Does this device solve a problem?
I don’t think it does for most people. Because I think, for most people who buy these sorts of things, their problem is that they don’t like working out.
If you buy this, you’ll continue to not like working out. It’s just costing you more to not like it now.
A thousand bucks is a lot to pay for a machine that doesn’t make you any happier. I’m not sure which machines make people happier, but I’m pretty sure it’s not workout machines or keyboards (so far).
Look, I’m normally a person who says, “You don’t have to like working out to do it.” And I stand by that.
I think you DO have to like working out to drop a thousand bucks on it.